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God's Steadiness (in my Mountain and Valley Emotions)

Imagine the zigzagging line on a heart rate monitor, zipping up and down like lighting. This jagged course looks like a rugged mountainous terrain. Sometimes, this is the landscape of our emotions.

What’s the deeper story behind the mountains and valleys of our emotions? One of the wounds that splintered deep when I was young was the belief that I was forgettable.

As a child, I moved a lot. Friendships lasted three or four years, max. Every time I had to uproot, friendships would fade, and I felt I must not be worthy of thought and remembrance.

This has built a consuming longing for strong and steady relationships. And my emotions dip and skyrocket as I continue to push into more friendships, striving to ease this ache in my heart.

Seeking satisfaction for cravings to be fully known and loved, I have run after the whims of my longings. Now I am flighty with God. I keep striving to be filled in other relationships. I forget him, move on, run after others. I am unsteady.

I forget this is a real relationship. That my God is a person with feelings. He has desires for our relationship, and it hurts him when my head is turned and I walk out on him.

Yet, he knows the rhythms of my coming and going. Hear the patience in God’s whisper in Jess Ray's song "Runaway".

He follows us up and down every mountain trail. He traces every serrated line on our heart monitor. We cannot lose him in our coming and going or in our back and forth jump from dependency to autonomy.

And, paradoxically, my hunger points to the only one who knows me completely. My soul can finally be satisfied, for the intensity of the hunger pains is surpassed by the strength of his intimacy and steadfast commitment.

Hear these words from our God out of Psalm 91:14-16:

We are friends. We stick together. I'm there when you get in trouble. I hear when you cry out for help. I call back to you, let you know I'm here, that you don't have to be afraid. We're in this together. I will always fight for you. Do everything in my power to help pull you along and out of trouble.

I will be everything you need. I will encourage you until my dying breath and speak favorably about you to whomever I'm with. I will lift you up. My friendship is so strong and runs so deep, your life won't be the same without me.

Together, it will be full, rich, and vibrant, overflowing with joy. It will be a good life, and you will love it and know my love for you. My love runs so deep, your heart will feel it and be glad. My life will touch you. You will rejoice over who I am for you. This is my commitment to my love.

Hunger, and drink in the abundance of his steadfast love.

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